The
purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The
sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than
either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental. As John
Steinbeck once said:
Don
'
t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he
'
ll just kill you.
If
you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
I
carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.
When
seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.
A
reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter
recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him
'
Why do you carry a .45?
'
The Ranger responded,
'
Because they don
'
t make a .46.
'
An
armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.
The
old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his
wearing his sidearm.
'
Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?
'
'
No Ma
'
am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.
'
Beware
the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!
But
wait, there
'
s more! I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house. I
said I did. She said
'
Well I certainly hope it isn
'
t loaded!
'
To which I said, Of course it is loaded, can
'
t work without bullets!
'
She then asked,
'
Are you that afraid of some one evil coming into your house?
'
My reply was,
'
No not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have
fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too.
'
To which I
'
ll add, having a gun in the house that isn
'
t loaded is like having a car in the garage without gas in the tank.
"The
true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because
he loves what is behind him."
- G. K. Chesterton
"Often
Tested, Always Faithful, Brothers Forever"
As
you may have heard the Bush
Administration said each and every one of us
would now get a nice rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the
money will go to China
. If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the
Arabs. If we spend it on fruit and vegetables it will all go to
Mexico
,
Honduras, and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will all go to
Japan
.
If we purchase useless crap it will all go to
Taiwan
and none of it will
help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in
America
, so
the only way to keep that money here at home is to buy prostitutes and beer,
since those are the only businesses still in the
US
. My name is Elliot
Spitzer and I approved this ad...
The
Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin
gesheissen."
(Which
means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have crapped in it.)"
The
man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your
gibberish.
Speak English, infidel!"
The
Amish man says: "Use two hands. You'll get more."
HEADLINES
FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Ozone
created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country
in the world, Mexifornia , formerly known as
California
. White minorities are still trying to have
English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern
United States
crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran
still closed off; physicists estimate it will ta ke at least 10 more years
before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global
help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to
help the beleaguered nation!
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but
President Chelsea Clinton has banned all
smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail
delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight
loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in
Mexifornia and Florexico.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they
now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Abortion clinics now available in every
High School in
United States
.
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even
though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open
on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusetts
executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers,
screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by
January 2030 .
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines.
The
Opinions expressed at the No Problem Ranch
ARE
THE ABSOLUTE OPINIONS OF IT'S OWNERS, EMPLOYEES, AND LIVESTOCK!
